Always, and forever will be...
Yeah, I must say, I resist all the pains and agonies by myself. I don't really like to show it off.Why? Because I just hate it too. In returns it reflects me back, offering me for another one to come. So, what's the point of showing if it will only hurt you more? Yeah, I was raised in a family with honesty is a must lesson in your life, but as I grow older, my action always doesn't speak my true heart and feeling. I may smile, I may laugh my ass out, but deep inside, my heart bursts. If I falls for someone, believe me, I barely can show my affection, liking and interest unless someone triggers me to do so, and so I end up smiling like a dumb for years beside that person. If I hate or angry with someone, the best thing I can do is to share it with someone I can have my trust on. So, if I have come across you and speak my mind along the conversation, than consider yourself lucky, cause you are the one that can be trusted with it.
What's so good about the taste of letting off your dissatisfaction, hatred, jealousy, envy, confusions in actions? I will call myself immature, VERY IMMATURE. I myself is not a saint but more of a sinner, but God Allah evenly creates a tiny, fragile heart for every mankind in this world. I even question and warn myself, why should we bring ourself closer to a chance of breaking the things we always know how fragile they are and aware that you might hurt yourself when you want to put them all back in place? In simpler example, why should you come nearer to touch the fragile glass if you know you might have a chance to drop it and when it breaks, you may hurt your finger to clean it off. Thus, sometimes when I cried and blamed others for my fault or not, finally I feel it is so stupid of me. Even when I'm angry...yeah, sometimes I let it off with some cuss words, but truly, it only brings another episode of greater pain to me rather than a comfort. Thus, nowadays, I'll end up shutting down myself in silence rather than a counter-attack. Let the other party thinks.."Ok, now you finally get it, you must be really guilty right now, I hope you hurt yourself too"...
Let it be...let it be...forget about the past, the haunting hatred in your past. Reflects back yourself. You may look like an innocent but realize it, you barely can be one cause after all, whose fault the misunderstand actually grows from if it isn't from the both parties? Ask this to yourself, readers...cause I always ask this to me. If an apology from me is the victory you are seeking for, I'm sorry. If apologetic is the feeling you have on me, then my apology will I give. Let us fills this dying world with some laughters and joys in our hearts, a bit of understandings, a slight disagreement can bring a better reflection of yourself too so that you can actually see your fault too. May God bless us! Amin...so in the next meeting, if you see me...that's really not me...sounds like I'm a ghost more than a human, am I?...hehe^^~
