HAPPY

Alhamdulillah, for the happiness you have granted me with

Alhamdulillah, for the happiness shared by the people who have surrounded my life 

Alhamdulillah, for everything...

When I spoke to Ibu this morning, delivering the good news with a bad start, making jokes in between, telling her to calm herself down, asking her not to be angry with the exam results and ended up with a little scolding because she said I made a suspense when it is nothing near to that. It was a normal conversation like any other person would have, but it was a blissful, warmth filled moment I must say.

We had about 40 minutes and thousands miles apart conversation with Viber, but it felt closer and shorter to heart.

Ibu was excited with her newly found business, ayah was lost in his dream - well, according to Ibu and conversation with adik topped it all. 

Alhamdulillah for the good news...

when I delivered the news about the result, I can see how happy Ibu turned after. From the way she shared her piece of joy, I knew, from that very moment, she was truly blessed. The happiness kept pouring, and I didn't want to interrupt even for a mere second, because her voice, added with her never-ending excitement just killed me - the inner me.

Along, as always never turn me down with his unstoppable efforts and little worries for his upcoming Big day. May Allah bless you brother.

don't worry, with Allah's will, success is sooner. 

Istiqamah and sabar is all I can offer as a consolation.

Alang - on the other hand, according to Ibu and through my 23 years observation, has never disappointed in the clean & hygiene department. 

He's like the next male candidate after ayah in being the cleanest in our home, and it didn't surprised me when Ibu told me how he managed to turn our waja into a not-waja but a BMW? - wow, that is quite an exaggeration there. 

and Adik

the ultimate troublemaker as he always does, but it came to surprise how he managed to turn it down, when the other 40 minutes conversation I had was all him. 

We shared everything, from my past experience, some motivations, his ignorance and disappointments, his dream, thoughts & concern for my side of life. 

it was a LOVE I truly cherished. 

how he wanted to become a pharmacist and his worry along the way.

"believe me my little boy, 

you will always do well, just don't give up in the middle"

because...failure is the best teacher for success

and the best of all...

when he 'ajuk' my sleepy voice back when ayah tried to engage a conversation with me while I was in a deep sleep this morning.

Ahhh~ as long as you're not my future in-laws then, I won't mind.

AND

when I asked about my juvenile puppy love for his friend. 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

he turned out to be the same guy Ibu has shared  her admiration towards before. 

what a small world 

:)

can we call it as a jodoh?

LOL~

and yeah, before this was posted,
Sarah did hijacked this post
with her...

Sarah cantik

which was deleted right after...

The Hopeless Griever

I caught a glimpse of your eyes today

Underneath all these sufferings

I found a sense of comfort

You are the moment I press to stop

You are the ignorance I cheated

You are the secret I obscured

Your face is my absolute hunt

Your voice, unknowingly, becomes my song

How should I bear this selfishness alone?

What price should I put to repay the favor for an abolishment?

Where should I place this worthless dignity?

The bonds I tied

How do I preserve them like the way before?

This foolish heart,

How did it bring the fondness closer?

When I undoubtedly sworn for your heart as untouchable

How should I survive with this incurring cost?

Will these longings be the savior?

A very brief period of time with your presence

Has assured me with ultimate relief

Whenever you unlocked those smiles

When the reality disclosed,

I question the certainty

I question the consequences after

Will I be the best protector or the injurer?

I saw you in my deepest dream

A series of unrighteous images and thoughts that suffocated me

But why did it become a pleasure when I am awake?

Because our presence resembles strongly

With my heart,

I desire the forgetfulness to clear this yearn

 And leave the remaining pieces behind

While walking the same pathway

At the end of this way I walked on

I, who was about to take for another road

How could you chase after the farewell?

Why can’t the abandonment be the one you offer?

But a possibility

       Tonight, I walk with my own shadow

Why only solemnity that surrounds me?

Does somber what emblazoned me?

Tonight, I sit under the stars

Reaching out my two cold hands and pick the brightest one among all

So, my heart won’t be dark anymore

So, my two hands will be embraced by warmth

But, why does my heart find a vague assurance?

Wrapped inside the coldness of the night

I sunken my two eyes in grief

In my heart all I have is pain,

The repeated episodes of waiting

Has now become an exhaustion

How could this tormenting feeling be unaffected? 

I, who has lost its purpose;

You, who refused to decline;

Let us lock the past as reminiscence

Because weariness is the only guarantee

Each day,

I tried to flip my heart with a new page

Waiting for a new chapter to come ahead

But why did I stop before I make the next turn?

Each day,

I forced my sight from returning to its origin

Acted as the strongest,

Seeking the smiles that have been missing

Summer changes, winter enters

Everyone lives carrying the worries

Desperately grieving from the pasts

I, who unknowingly become one,

Will forever be the payback?

Today, I escaped myself from the severe infliction

Today, a momentary view of you become ordinary

And now, the grief is tolerable

Though the past seems bitter

But the flavor is what sweetened the present and tasteful for the future 

*****

Who knows, someday, sometime...what we wrote unintentionally & without an absolute purpose will come back at us unknowingly. 

The day when we read back what came straight from our cognition, will shame & embarrassment follow next? 

What if you are left with two distinct choices, when Allah tested your fragile heart with his little examination. When only doubt and uneasiness filled the room. Behind those smiles & laughters accompanied along the conversations you had, the pain & sinful episodes of your life were actually you have. 

*****

"Ya Allah, peliharalah hatiku yang hanya menemui nafsu di dalam pencarian ini. Peliharalah hatiku agar tidak sekali-kali meniggalkan diri-Mu di pertengahan jalan. Jadikanlah cinta-ku cinta yang sentiasa meninggikan-Mu & tidak pernah kurang akan sukatannya. Limpahkanlah rahmat di dalam kasih ini. Janganlah Engkau palingkan diriku dengan kecantikan duniawi yang hanya diselaputi dosa & nafsu yang menodai.

Ya Allah, sekiranya itu yang KAU perkenankan buatku, permudahkanlah perjalananku bersama kasih itu. Biarkanlah cinta & kasih itu yang Halal di agama-Mu. Jadikanlah ianya sebagai satu pembimbing yang terbaik, seperti mana yang telah Engkau kurniakan kepadaku dengan lelaki bernama bapa & juga saudara-saudara lelaki ku. 

Sekiranya kekecewaan & kesedihan yang ku temui di pertengahannya, jadikanlah Ia kerana kesedihan meninggalkanmu. Sekiranya kegembiraan yang menjadi pengubatnya, jadikanlah Ia kerana mengingatiMu adalah selalu. 

Ya Allah, peliharalah hati ini. Perhiasilah akan ia dengan permata kasih-Mu dan janganlah Engkau dekatkannya dengan racun yang membunuh, dan peliharalah jua akhlakku dihadapan mata-mata yang memandang agar hanya rahmat-Mu menjadi pemberian terbesar buatku" 

Amin~